Your handshake speaks. Imagine this scene.

You catch a glimpse of a well-known figure from a distance. He’s unaccompanied and looks ready to meet new people. You pluck up your courage and walk over to him to make his acquaintance.

He smiles and makes inviting eye contact, extending his hand. You introduce yourselves and exchange the traditional greeting.

Oh dear! It’s not a pleasant touch at all. Perhaps his hand is clammy, soft or crushing? What can I do?

From my new book, Etiquette: Confidence & Credibility, here are a few tips for both the “Giver” and the “Receiver” to remedy unpleasant handshakes.

Solution(s):

As surveyed among my coaching and conference participants, here is the list of the five worst handshakes. Read on for my advice on what to avoid when giving or receiving a handshake.

THE CRUSHER

GIVING: Adjust your handshake to respect the other’s size.

RECEIVING: Communicate the tightening of your hand. No, not by grinding your teeth, but by but gently spreading your fingers to inflate your hand. Ahh, better now. Right?

OOPS, THERE IT GOES!

GIVING OR RECEIVING: Offer to start over. “Oh, la la, please excuse me. I think we can do better. How about starting over again?” Then go for it. Shake.

THE SLIPPY SHAKE

GIVING: If you tend to have sweaty hands, write to me julie@etiquettejulie.com and I will send you tips to make sure that your stays dry.

RECEIVING: Look at the other person’s face to detect clues, non-verbal signs of proximity discomfort, pain or nervousness.

Your handshake should announce equality, not domination or submission.

THE PUMPER

GIVING: Be aware. Stay focused and in the moment. A couple of “pumps” are just perfect.

RECEIVING: Gently relax the grip and spread your fingers. The other will instinctively soon release the pressure and remove his hand.

THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS

GIVING: Unless you are in a position, role or social situation where you expect to receive a “baisemain,” present your palm as well as your forefingers. Make a complete palm-to-palm contact.

RECEIVING: Gently shake the hand that is presented to you, as is. Do not force your palm in.

I am always amazed at the small number of people who have had an official lesson in this universally recognized professional greeting, that announce intentions of peace, builds loyal ties and concludes contracts.

For you or whoever needs it on your team, here is an eight-step lesson on shaking hands: 

Whether you are a man or a woman, a good handle that broadcasts confidence and credibility:

1. Begins with clean dry hands. Basic yes and a definite must. Do it.
2. Is done standing. Your posture is paramount. 
3. Is introduced with direct eye contact and a sincere smile.
4. Starts with the thumb of your right hand, straight up. A thumb to the side, not aligned to the hand of the other, will quickly become an Oops, there it goes (see above)!
5. Gathers your fingers together. There is no gap between them.
6. Shows an open palm that slightly faces upwards.
7. Makes complete contact with the inside of the other’s palm, while your fingers firmly enclose it, without crushing.
8. Shakes simultaneously, in sync with the other, once or twice, from top to bottom.

Your turn now. Practice. Ask for feedback. Teach it to your subordinates or recruits.

From “Hello! ” to “Done deal,” your handshake should announce equality, not domination or submission.

Are you in a sticky situation? This blog is at your service. Write to me at julie@julieblaiscomeau.com. Your situation may enlighten other readers.

Published February 16, 2017 Huffington Post (c) Julie Blais Comeau