There are awkward moments when even an experienced professional like yourself is reeling, mouth agape to the point of head scratching, searching for the right words and gestures. In anticipation of these possible paralyzing situations, I provide you with the tools you need to maintain your confidence and credibility while avoiding negative consequences that could affect your image. This text also presents solutions for knowing what to say and do when you’re the boss.
Even though everyone says it, including you, “Our team is like a family”, you still want to keep your social distance. How can you refuse this invitation without hurting your boss’s feelings or damaging your professional relationship?
You’re well aware of the importance of developing organizational policies that set out clear principles and strategies, with detailed procedures. Inspired by this method, write your own personal social media policy. Decide which categories of people you want to connect with, and which of your networks is most appropriate for the type of exchange. Such a policy makes it easier to decide whether or not to accept a connection request.
While you’re in front of your screen, adjust your social media settings to reflect your policy.
Now for the current request, you can start by ignoring it. Give your boss the benefit of the doubt and consider that this request was made on impulse and not with any more or less acceptable intention. If it comes back, it will only see what you want to show, according to the settings you’ve set up and the category you’ve assigned it.
If he comes to the news or even teases you about why, you can always say something like, “I’m a pretty private person. I only share my Facebook page with my family and close friends. If you like, we can connect on LinkedIn. I’m active there and learn a lot from my contacts. I believe you could make mutually beneficial connections with my contacts.”
If you are the boss
Unless you participate in a media, a page, in a workgroup, or if social media is part of your job duties, managers, executives and others in positions of authority are discouraged from making “friend” requests of subordinates. These solicitations can create perceptions of bad intentions linked to the power you hold within the company, which can affect an employee’s ability to react appropriately in his or her work afterwards.
When you’re invited, it’s best to decline. Refer to the reasoning above.
As a human resources professional
Your role is to draw up a policy for the use of social media and, above all, to educate managers and employees on what constitutes fair and appropriate use of these media. It’s also up to you to clearly spell out to employees the consequences of non-compliance.
Oh dear, that’s a tough one! Tempting as it may be to act out of indignation, don’t be so quick to do so. Take a breath. This delicate situation calls for careful planning before taking action. Breathe again.
Plan what you will say to the boss during a private meeting. Your objective is not to point the finger at your colleague, but rather to present the project’s traces. Highlight your contributions objectively. Present facts, dates, extracts and exchanges. Choose the most convincing elements.
To request a private interview, announce that what you wish to discuss is delicate. “What I have to say is difficult and embarrassing. Recognition has been awarded to another person for a project I designed and led.” Give your superior the opportunity to absorb the news. When invited, display one, two or three proofs of your creations. Always answer questions objectively, without disparaging your colleague or his contributions. Be patient. If necessary, conclude with a sentence like the following: “I know that what I’ve just told you may require some thought. I understand that this can be a delicate situation, and I will remain discreet until you come to a decision.”
If you’re a boss
Once you’re convinced that an error of merit has occurred, you need to assign credit where credit is due. Invite the wrong recipient to an interview. “We made a mistake at the awards ceremony. We now recognize that the project for which you received a certificate was led by -name the person. We apologize for this misunderstanding. We will be making an announcement to rectify the situation.” There’s no point in making accusations of dishonesty. If the employee apologizes or acknowledges the error, thank him or her.
It’s perfectly appropriate to simply decline an invitation. “Thanks for including me, but it won’t be possible for me to join you. I already have a scheduled commitment.” At your convenience, add details about why you can’t make it.
If someone pushes you to find out the reason for your refusal, be honest. You can reply, “I already have a commitment.
Here again, develop your own policy for participation in activities outside the workplace. Define the types of activities as well as the types of relationships you agree to maintain with other participants to justify your decision without perception of favoritism, discrimination and also ensuring that you won’t miss an opportunity to connect and contribute to team building. The important thing is to be consistent and coherent.
It can happen. Even the most perfect professional can go straight through or forget to add a meeting to his or her schedule. Don’t slap yourself on the tomato. Forgive yourself and don’t do it again.
Take responsibility as quickly as possible to restore the trust that has been placed in you. You’ll have to excuse yourself. “I’m so sorry. I forgot.” Don’t complain about your burden or stress. Don’t make up excuses. Find out what you’ve missed and what you need to do.
If you have time to join the meeting before it ends, excuse yourself by arriving without a long explanation, participate or present your case, and make sure you keep to the allotted time.
If it was a private meeting for two, ask for a second chance. If you’re granted it, be on time.
If this happens to you regularly, schedule a weekly meeting with yourself on Friday afternoons to plan your meetings for the following week.
If your organization has a firm policy on this subject, and it prohibits any dating between employees, you should act accordingly and either abstain or be transparent by announcing your relationship to your superior, once your emotional ties are official.
If there’s no policy in place and you’re considering a romantic relationship with a colleague, customer or member of your business community, assess the risks. There could be certain conflicts of interest. Your reputation could be affected. You may be hurt, upset or offended by this person. Your judgment of this person could be colored by your commitment to your team or, conversely, your commitment to the team could be colored by your relationship with this person.
Once you’ve assessed the risks, listen to your heart and follow the rules, which could include finding another job.
No matter how unusual the situation, it’s always a good idea to allow yourself a period of reflection before making a decision or taking action. “Hmmm, this is the first time I’ve been in a situation like this. I’ll have to think about it and get back to you.”
In most cases, your honesty, your willingness to apologize when appropriate and your ability to carry on calmly and professionally, and sometimes your ability to laugh at yourself, will maintain your image as a professional, and more simply as a human being capable of adjusting.
Are you in a sticky situation? This blog is at your service. Write to me at julie@julieblaiscomeau.com. Your situation may enlighten other readers.
Published by the Ordre des conseillers en ressources humaines du Québec on July 21, 2020 (c) Julie Blais Comeau
+613.292.9526
julie@julieblaiscomeau.com
I’m Julie Blais Comeau, Canada’s bilingual etiquette specialist. My mission is simple: to give you the know-how to shine positively at work and in the community.
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