Disrespect and inappropriate behavior are not limited to cultural figures. In light of recent complaints of sexual assault or harassment against Quebec producers, I’m sharing my article, originally written for the Journal du Barreau on September 1, 2017, to make you aware of the words and gestures that offend, minimize, ridicule, contaminate harmony within a work team and has real repercussions that can last a lifetime.
In my opinion, it’s time to reintroduce civility, or propriety as it was once called, into our schools. Of course, I’m preaching to the choir here, but I believe that these courses affirm the notion of respect, the basis of life in society. What do you think?
Have you ever been outraged by the behavior or words of some of your colleagues? Are you haunted by a particular person? Have you ever wasted time trying to find a solution to these hurtful and offensive words and behaviors? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you’re not alone. Unfortunately, in the digital age and the age of diversity, workplace etiquette is in decline, and its repercussions are affecting the daily lives of many professionals.
Incivility is the lack of respect for rules, recognition of others and lack of restraint. According to a study by Christine M. Pearson and Christine L. Porath, incivility in the workplace is present in all sectors and professions, and at all organizational levels. Its consequences extend far beyond interpersonal relations. Indeed: 80% of sufferers, instigators or witnesses waste time at work recalling the incident; 78% decrease their professional commitment; 63% deviate from their activities and plan detours to avoid the offender; 38% reduce the quality of their work; and finally, 12% leave their position.
Incivility has a direct impact on productivity, not to mention the frustration it generates, which can have repercussions on customers.
Incivility is therefore costly!
Labour courts are becoming increasingly intolerant of these lack of agreements. Aware of their side-effects, they are judging them with increasing severity.
While incivility in the workplace has an impact on loyalty, reputation and the bottom line, it also has harmful consequences for physical and mental health. Lack of respect and politeness saps energy, drains motivation, stifles creativity and clouds judgment.
Often ambiguous and perceived as harmless, these discourteous, disrespectful and inappropriate actions are subtle. Unfortunately, they are also often tolerated. Even some professionals, often hyper-performers, justify them by saying they don’t have time for kindness in the office.
Incivility in the workplace is not necessarily bullying. It’s often a lack of consideration and recognition of others. It’s putting aside one’s professional obligation to contribute to a harmonious work environment through healthy communication.
Incivility can also manifest itself as the discharge of an overload experienced by someone who has had a bad day, or be sudden, as the aftermath of a serious disappointment. Incivility is sometimes the starting point for depression.
That said, it only takes a moment, a fraction of a second, for a word or gesture to shake up the harmony of a safe and healthy work environment.
In practice, incivility can be as trivial as not using the magic words “Please”, “Thank you”, “Good morning” and “I’m sorry”. It can also be seen in what we might call a “technological ménage à trois”, when our interlocutor is constantly checking his or her smartphone, which rings and vibrates, and checking e-mails and text messages. It’s also when a boss or colleague takes credit for “your” genius idea, blames you for “their” mistake, or withholds essential information.
Sometimes incivility is more subtle: it’s a sigh accompanied by rolling eyes, a grimace. It’s seeing one’s efforts minimized or ridiculed, or refusing to collaborate or cooperate. Incivility can even be found in the kitchen! When, for example, you don’t pick up your dirty dishes, leave the counter sticky or the microwave oven soiled after use. These are all situations that have a direct impact on harmony in the office.
Conscious or not, incivility can be contagious. Someone speaks to you in a certain tone, and your reaction will naturally be to respond in kind.
The contagion effect also extends to failure to meet deadlines or punctuality, so that deadlines are no longer respected and priorities have to be realigned.
The higher up in an organization the instigators of incivility are, and the more successful they are, the greater the chances that their behaviour will be imitated.
That said, acts of incivility often take place in private, away from witnesses. Sadly, victims are embarrassed to talk about it. They don’t share their discomfort, either with their superiors or colleagues, and above all avoid discussing it with those at fault. The failure to report, the trivialization and acceptance of these words and actions can lead to a vicious cycle.
That’s why, when faced with uncivil behavior, don’t point the finger, but express what’s affecting you, the repercussions and your needs. To do this, use your sensible, non-judgmental voice. By keeping control of your emotions, words and actions, no one will feel blamed. Your working relationships will evolve more positively… If necessary, talk to your superior or a human resources manager.
Recognizing incivility starts with you. Make a difference by actively helping to stop incivility. To do this, evaluate your behavior, actions and language at work from the point of view of others. Then reread the examples above with an empathetic perspective and decide what you should start doing, continue doing or stop doing to actively contribute to harmony at work. After this exercise, if necessary, take the time to apologize.
The power of “one”: an employee, a word, a smile, a gesture starting with a statement is a contributor to an incivility-free workplace.
And since incivility is costly, the opposite, the lack of incivility, is a gain. Civility is the best return on investment for radiating and advocating favorably.
Translated from published in the September 2017 Journal du Barreau (c) Julie Blais Comeau
+613.292.9526
julie@julieblaiscomeau.com
I’m Julie Blais Comeau, Canada’s bilingual etiquette specialist. My mission is simple: to give you the know-how to shine positively at work and in the community.
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