DINING ETIQUETTE DECONSTRUCTED

I’ve got a little dining etiquette quiz for you:

1) Is your bread plate on the right or the left?

2) Which fork should you use for the starter?

3) Is your water glass on the left or the right?

Let’s eat!

Whether you’re the host or the guest, knowing dining etiquette is a sure-fire way to free your mind to focus on the business at hand.

YOU’RE THE HOST AT THE TABLE: TAKE CHARGE OF THE MEAL. LEAVE NOTHING TO CHANCE.

1. Choose your meal time and restaurant wisely

Breakfast or tea at the end of the day are perfect to get to know a customer better, or to hear the latest news on a particular case.

The business lunch is ideal for a new partnership, association or a serious discussion.

Dinner, which can extend into the evening, is often the chosen moment to celebrate or mark an important event.

That said, don’t offer your guest a choice of restaurant, but choose one that reflects their values and practices.

Choose a place you know well and where you’ll be recognized and expected. Ensure attentive, discreet service by introducing yourself or calling ahead to inform the staff of the nature of your meeting.

2. Issue your invitation one week before the event

Do it in person, on the phone, by e-mail, but not by text message. The latter is too informal, unless it’s someone you know very well.

Is your invitation accepted? Use an electronic calendar to share the date and location of your appointment. Be sure to include the restaurant’s contact details (hyperlink), parking options and your cell phone number.

The day before the appointment, send a reminder e-mail to your guest, again including information about the restaurant, parking and your cell phone number.

If you’re footing the bill, make this clear in the way you phrase your invitation. Say: “I’d like to invite you to the restaurant. Avoid vague formulations such as “Are you available to eat with me?”, which can be interpreted as an invitation, with everyone paying for themselves.

Make sure your guest is comfortable by asking, for example, about any dietary restrictions or allergies, reduced mobility or easy access to public transport, and take these into account.

3. Confirm your expectations with the restaurant

When making your reservation, ask to be placed in a quiet area, away from the kitchen and bar, and the bustle of the toilets.
Arrive fifteen minutes before your appointment time to check your table location and make sure your requests have been met.

Inform the staff that you will be paying the bill and that you do not wish to receive it at the table. Set it after your guest has left or, if that’s not possible, do it discreetly.

4. Welcome and direct your guest

Wait for your guest to order. Don’t have cocktails or bread in the meantime.

Stand up to welcome him and extend your hand. A handshake is always given standing up.

Show your guest to his place. It must have the best view, whether of the restaurant, the sea or the foyer. Your view is your customer.

When you have several guests, where should they be seated? The seat to your right is the place of honor, so your most important guest should sit there. Assign a place to the left, then to the right of the place of honor, and so on in order of precedence.

Let your tablemates know how much time you have. While you’re filling them in, tell them in a friendly way that you’re closing your phone so you can make the most of their presence. Others will follow.

To stay within your employer’s meal budget, guide your guests through their meal options.
Let the waiter know you’re ready to order by closing your menu.

Announce the start of the meal to your guests by spreading your napkin on your lap.

YOU’RE THE GUEST AT THE TABLE: HONOR THE INVITATION AND ADAPT.

1. R.S.V.P. and useful information

When you are invited, reply within the time limit indicated or within 48 hours of the invitation.

If you have any dietary restrictions or allergies, mention them, even if your host doesn’t ask. It’s your responsibility. Your safety depends on it.

2. Be punctual

If you’re running late, call your host to apologize. Once there, offer your apologies again. However, it is not necessary to give details of the cause of your delay.

3. Follow the rhythm of your meal

Adapt to the situation. If you eat too slowly, speed things up. If you eat too fast, slow down.

4. Give thanks, twice

Even if you thank your host in person, send a thank-you note 24 hours later. Depending on the occasion, an e-mail or text message may be appropriate. On special occasions, a handwritten card is the most appropriate way to show your gratitude and appreciation.

HOST OR GUEST: HOW TO BEHAVE AT THE TABLE

Here are a few more tips on how to behave at the table.

1. Your back should be straight and your hands and forearms visible throughout the meal.

Posture is just as important at the table as standing. If we can’t see your hands, we might wonder what you’re doing with them under the table.

2. Locate your place setting

Remember the first letters of each syllable in the word “Privé” to locate your cutlery. “P” for bread plate on your left and “V” for glasses on your right.

3. Eat European-style or American-style, but choose

Alternating the way you eat from one technique to the next is distracting and makes you look disorganized. That’s why it’s best to stick to a single technique.

The American method, used only in North America, involves cutting your food with your dominant hand, placing your knife at the top of your plate and transferring your fork to your dominant hand, then pricking a piece of food and bringing it to your mouth.

The tines of the fork thus face upwards. This way of eating is also called “zig-zagging”.

The Continental method is the one preferred by the rest of the planet. The handles of your utensils are in the palms of your hands. Your index fingers stabilize them on top. The prongs of your fork point downwards and pierce your food, while the blade of your knife cuts the food on the outside of your fork. Then your fork, tines down, brings the food to your mouth.

That said, whether you’re eating continental or American-style, always let the wait staff know when you’ve finished eating by placing your utensils in an upside-down “v” shape, leaving a space between your two utensils that doesn’t have to touch at the top. However, the blade of your knife should face the inside of your plate and the tines of your fork should face downwards.

Of course, having good table manners isn’t enough to get you a new job or a promotion. However, knowing etiquette will save you from wondering what to do and when and being paralyzed. Instead of being in your head, you focus on your tablemates. Isn’t that the reason for your business lunch?

Want to master the business lunch? Contact me julie@etiquettejulie.com for a dining etiquette tutorial for you and your team.

Translated from published February 2018 le Journal du Barreau (c) Julie Blais Comeau